ESL Lesson Nine: Three Likely Scenarios (Daily Planet email #920)

We met on-line.

It is true.

I am in love.

I was in prison.

It is heavenly bliss.

It is call of booty.

Am I not Forever Your Girl?

You are not even today my girl.

I am angry.

For you this is not a uncommon vibe.

I am suing you for half a truck.

Oh no you didn’t. That is more than I owe.

Also it is more than you have.

I will sue for pain and suffering and by for I mean because of since I already have the pain and suffering.

Shall we away to Mathis the Judge?

Accept no limitations.

He is my man, and you are decidedly not.

I want my half a truck back.

You cannot drive half a truck.

It is a start.

You cannot drive any part of truck due to DUI.

Truth is a stern bailiff.

2. The Smell

Dear Avon Lady, I do not like my smell, do you have any different smell for me to smell like?

Yes I have many.

I will take twelve because I need a lot because see above. Here is a check.

<six months later>

Where is my smell products?

Your check was not good in fact it was bad.

There was money in the bank.

None of it was yours.

Why do you make poop face? Is it my smell?

I am suing for emotional distress and a cable box.

What is relevance of cable box?

You mean because Judge Mathis is a show via antenna?

You betcha.

In case there is anything else I would like to watch.

But how could there be?

You are right.

He is The Bomb if things are still The Bomb.

Would you like to watch the Judge together since we both now are in agreement?

I would but would also not like to sit near to you, see above.

3. The Holidays

I would like for you to decorate my house.

Because it is ugly?

No because of for the holidays.

Very nice, I understood. You will pay?

Of course I will pay.

<two months later>

I will not pay.

Your house has received decoration, yes? No?

What is with giant pumpkin?

For ween of hallow.

Is late.

Or …could be very early?

Why is the tree on a garage?

It is festooned for Arbor Day.

Where are my Christmas decorations?

You said Holidays.

I should like for us to litigate on a very special episode of Mathis the Judge.

The one where you are require to wed in order for retain ownership of family business operation?

No.

Because you are highly-powered PR executive who never learned relaxation meaning until your flight was…

No.

Is it due to you are cynical west coast DJ with flat tire in small town plus helpful lady?

That is true, but beside of the point.

Maybe it is episode where we discover our troubles are smaller than big and what is important is us and each other, being together and forgiveness and down vests.

I am in doubt of judge ruling in that direction.

And we will make reconcile under orange bask of ginormous gourd.

Well. If my parents approve.

Hoo-ray, a sequel!

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