Elevator ride Father’s Day shopping (Daily Planet email #896)
Elevator ride Father’s Day shopping. Checking out Wish dot com. Hmm, a t-shirt? Walking Dad, Dadalorian, the Dogfather. Well, no. Emojibator, what’s that? Ha, no. A saxophone bong? I don’t think he even plays the saxophone. I always forget, is he a Biggie or a Tupac kind of guy? Search: Meat. I can’t decide between the “Stainless Steel Seasoning and Marinade Injector Needle Meat Tenderizer Kitchen Supplies Home Accessories Halloween Christmas Tool Dining Sauces Gadget Cooking Hammers Knife Steak Outdoor Comping BBQ Cooking Baking Tool Barbecue Steak” and the “Dried Sheep Intestine Hot Dog Collagen Casing Coat Meat Processing Cooking Tool 28–30mm/34–36mm sausage casing sausage cover ham casing home make sausage shell QAY.” Add to wishlist.
Man, this is overwhelming. Maybe Alibaba, the leading global sourcing e-commerce platform, has some ideas. A Stainless Steel Rescue Gift Set, for when he’s lost in the, um, parking lot. Minimum order, 100 pieces. Pass. Well, this is interesting: “Father’s day liquid lipstick Labial glair small gift set oem.” I’ve never seen him wear lipstick… Ooh, an Antique White Funeral Horse Chariot! Well, that’s putting the cart before the horse, ha. At $7000, it’s just as well. Here you go, a Custom Carbon Steel High Hardness Allen Key Wrench Set. That looks plenty useful, but does he have one already? I better check with my Sister.
A: Yeah, dummy, he’s got a 30-piece set, both inches and metrics, it’s in the kitchen drawer, don’t you know anything? I should write a book about what it’s like to be related to the most thoughtless, feckless, good-for-nothing miscreant moron in the universe, but no one would ever read it because it would be so frustrating. How are you doing?
Q: It’s all right. A little stuck on my shopping ideas. What are you getting him?
A: A Scarface Towel Set and a new gun case. See you on Saturday.
Q: Wait, Saturday?
A: <click>
I’ll just go with the Scarface shower curtain from Wish. My Sister will be mad, but what would be different about that? I’ll just make sure he opens mine first. I’ve got a mostly-full Dunkin card in my wallet, I’ll throw that in for the win. Wonder if we’ll go out to eat? Dear ol’ Dad.
